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| How do I say goodbye to someone I never really had? Why do my tears fall
so endlessly for someone who was never really mine? Why is it I miss
someone I was never really with? And why do I love someone whose love
was never really mine? |
Feb. 19, 2014 - You came into my life when I was so
down and was needing someone to lean on. You taught me how to love and made me
feel how to be loved. And you made me feel how great it is to love someone and
be loved back.
Our relationship wasn't perfect, being in a virtual
world and in a long distance one to start with, but we both held on. You tried
your best to understand me and I tried my best to trust you. I trusted you when you said you love me.
Feb.
19, 2016 - Supposed to be our 2nd year of being together. Our relationship wasn't perfect but
we lasted. We lasted long, before you suddenly disappeared without
any words and left me hanging and wondering. Maybe you decided to let go. You let go despite
me holding on. You let go and left me without any consideration. You left me
without any choice to move on. But moving on I cannot do. Because how can I
move on when the one who made me feel alive again, left me broken?
The
possibility of you and me finding each other again one day seems to be
impossible now. And for the first time, I feel fine about it. I have held on
for so long to that feeble hope that maybe one day, you'll walk in again in my
life and stay for long, it was what kept me going. I’m still holding on the
last words you said that you would not leave me.
I used to believe that I would only be truly
happy when, not if, that happens. I stopped myself from being inside another
possibility because I was afraid of being taken far from the possibility of
being with you again. I refused to write another story because I believed that
you would come back and write with me. I thought our story was only suspended
in time, and that we were only halfway through. I refused to accept that there
are no pages left for us to write on, that maybe, all we were was all there was
to it.
You see, you were the last good thing that happened to me, and I was afraid
that you were the last and I let you slip away. Now, I realized that maybe,
just maybe, being happy does not necessarily mean that I would get the future I
was hoping for. Maybe, if I stopped my entire world from revolving around our
memories, maybe if I allow myself to lose gravity by letting go, maybe I would
find another way to survive.
It took me a long while to accept that some phenomenon only occur once, and
I guess, that should be enough. You were something good that I have been given,
and I can't really say that I took good care of you when I still had the
chance.
I made myself believe that we were destined to meet, that our souls were
arranged by the universe, like constellations, to form something beautiful.
Whatever it was, there was a reason behind our meeting, and I use to believe
that that reason is because we are for each other. But as how some people say,
there will be people who will walk in on your life, only to leave—and leave
their mark: A lesson that will scar you for the rest of your life. But this
scar, contrary to what is believed about scars, will not show how imperfect you
are. This one, though it will come from a nasty wound, will instill beauty in you
after it heals.
I thought you were the person I was bound to love forever, because you were
the one who opened my eyes to this bittersweet emotion. Now that I've grown to
understand things more, I realize that you were put in my life to make me
realize that despite all the things I hate about myself, someone who's
as weird and as crazy as you will find me and love me as I am.
