Why Am I still Hurting????

I wrote this not because I am angry, nor do I want to make you feel guilty, but because I am hurt. We have not talked to each other for months, and  it feels like my soul is mute. It feels like it has been locked up in a dark, cold, prison cell waiting to be released. I'm hurt and still hurting for things have not ended well between us. I thought we could be friends, And for that, I am hurt.

It's true what people say that love comes when you least expect  it because you did. When we  became friends on Tagged  and from then on we  began to talk almost everyday , days and nights. From messaging and seeing each other everyday thru cam, which eventually quickly escalated to an intimate close "relationship" . Those were the happy moments, and, I sure did feel happy. But they forgot to say that it could go when you least expected it as well, and now I'm left here hurting.

Long gone were the days when you would look into my eyes, which you would told me that I was only yours (which I really find cute by the way). Gone were the days wherein you teased me . Gone were the days.  I feel taken for granted. I feel worthless. And for that I am hurt, and still hurting.

Believe it or not,  I'm not angry with you, and it's quite impossible for me to have anger towards you for at some point I really did love you.  Maybe I will forever love you because you are the first one I have ever loved this way virtually and had hoped that you were going to be the last. But reality hits me that it won't happen, and for that I am hurt. I know deep inside me I cannot unlove you,  I just have to learn how to love you in a different way now. And for that, I am hurt and still hurting.

I cannot blame you for everything. And I cannot blame myself as well. You became busier (or so as you have told me), and I was... well, Miss Understanding. Who was I to complain if we never were, and our situation was very much complicated? 

I'm not angry for what has happened or for what you did to me, but I am hurt and still hurting. There is a difference there. To be honest, at that time I was a girl who was craving for some romance but scared as hell to let my guard down because I know how it feels like to be hurt. Especially with a guy like you who I know  has the charm that would attract any girl passing by. You may not have realized that it was only with you I took risks, it was only with you I dared to do things I have never done before, it was only with you I envisioned life with till my last breath. But now I am just another girl whom you did not even give a chance to get to know well. In short, I am just another girl added to your history list, and for that, I am hurt... and still hurting.

And yet, I wish you well and happy.

This is not Goodbye

 

And then, I'll spend my day in reminiscence,
To all the memories we made.
Thinking about all of our old conversations,

Remembering all of our sweet words,
Crying over all of our harsh fights.
I'll go over how it all started,

 And how it all ended,
And how I pretended that it's all actually over for me,
And how I cried nights after nights.

 Till, one day I finally decided to stop hurting over someone who doesn't care;
Till I put my foot down.
And I was free.

You Lost Her.....

For all you thought, you need a new place to stay,
But you did not realize that your home is where her smile is at.

You thought someone can make you happier,
But you did not realize that her laugh is what makes you the happiest.

You thought someone came to be your sun,
But you did not realize that she is your moon that lights you up in your darkest night.

You thought someone's sweeter than her,
But you did not realize that she is the cause of your most painful toothache that's worth suffering for.

You thought that just because someone can give you her everything, she's better than her.
But you did not realize, she had already given the last piece of her.

And you thought that you're already in love with someone else but you... you forgot that you've already given your heart to her. 
And that's when you realize that she still has it.

Yes, you lost her.

But then you realized, you also lost yourself.